


Same-Day Delivery

by newsonthemoon



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, Euphemisms, Explicit Consent, Frottage, Idiots in Love, Light Dom/sub, Lingerie, Lingerie Under Clothes, M/M, Mutual Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 21:17:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19326280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsonthemoon/pseuds/newsonthemoon
Summary: Howard receives a special package in the mail. He and Vince are equally appreciative of its contents.





	Same-Day Delivery

**Author's Note:**

> I know, my first fic in several months and its porn.  
> Thanks to Ladadee195, walkwithursus, and the wonderful people on the Boosh Discord for your feedback! you guys have been super helpful <3.

Before the postman had even had a chance to stand up straight, Howard was at the door, swinging it open with practiced nonchalance.

“Something for me in the post?”

The postman didn’t even look up, turning away slowly enough for Howard to catch a glimpse of his bored expression.

“Thank you for your service. It’s people like you who keep this country running,” Howard called out after him, to no reply.

He paused to gather the pile of packages into his arms, trying and failing not to appear eager. He lurched backwards into the building, the rest of his script suddenly slipping from his mind.

He slammed the door behind him and hurried to the counter, piling everything next to the register. His eyes darted from label to label, spotting several hookah and vape pen company names, accompanied by addresses he was sure weren’t local (or earthly, for that matter). Among the pile, he spotted a single beige package, its label printed in an elaborate, curling font. His arm darted out to grab it, only to be beaten by a large, hairy hand.

“Post is here?” Naboo said from Bollo’s side. He turned to his familiar, gesturing towards the counter. “Get this sorted out. Been waiting weeks for some of these.”

“Wait, let me--” Howard screeched. He cleared his throat, putting on a calmer voice, and continued. “Let me look for mine first, I’ve got something waiting for me.”

“Something private?” Naboo asked, with what passed for a suspicious expression for him passing over his features.

Howard sputtered, forcing a laugh.“What? What could I possibly--”

“Right. Bollo, get these stocked,” Naboo said. “And give Howard back his weird sex thing. We don’t need that getting mixed in.”

As Naboo turned to leave the room, Bollo snorted in disgust, picking through the packages to find Howard’s delivery. He pushed it across the counter with one finger, making no effort to hide his look of revulsion.

“Bollo not want to know,” he grunted.

“It isn’t...anything…” Howard stuttered. Finally, his shoulders slumped in defeat, and he snatched the envelope up from the counter, scurrying towards the stairs.

 

* * *

  
The advertisement had taken up an entire page of Jazz on My Face (which, Howard took the time to reassure himself, he was only subscribed to for the free sheet music), opposite a patchwork of coupons. At the top, in boxy black letters, the headline proclaimed, “LaMothe en Rose.” Then, in smaller font, “Keep the Beat Alive.” Underneath that, a woman smiled knowingly at the viewer from behind her lover, arms encircled around his broad shoulders. Howard’s eyes had scanned down his form--tortoiseshell glasses, a sidelong glance at the camera, lips wrapped around a cigarette--and settled on the lace and corduroy that dressed his bottom half.

Howard gleaned from the text that followed that the company offered a variety of lingerie, for jazz enthusiasts of any gender. He found his eyes drawn to the area sectioned off with a dotted line, a space to add one’s name and address to send for a free catalogue.

And that was that. The text of the ad had promised discreet packaging. It was a promise kept, barring the oddly curvaceous letter “R” in the package’s address. He placed the package on his bed, making a mental note to find a place for it later. After Howard cut through the tape holding it closed, he was greeted by layers of tissue paper (which, he noted, were a lovely carob brown) obscuring his order. As he lifted the garment from its packaging, he took a moment to admire the craftsmanship. Truly, he thought, only the most skilled artisans must be allowed to advertise in the back of such a respected publication.

Wasting no time, he nestled his purchase back in its box, going to undo his belt. There was only one proper way to test a garment for a good fit, yes sir, and that was to wear it as it was meant to be worn. He pushed his trousers and pants down, folded them neatly before placing them on the bed, just as he did when he undressed for--he felt his cheeks warm slightly--other reasons. Vince couldn't stifle his laugh when it happened during their first time, and still snickered at Howard pausing to stack his clothes neatly whenever they passed the time together. But a man must not allow passion to overcome him to the point of forgetting the importance of routine, Howard had decided, and reiterated to himself as he next went to unbutton his shirt. After a moment of struggle to figure out how the garment was put on, he went to examine himself in front of the mirror, a sudden rush of excitement swelling in his chest.

He took a cautious step in front of Vince’s full length mirror, scrutinizing the fit of his purchase as his body entered the frame. The garment hugged his hips, the thin elastic band digging into them enough to leave a faint mark when Howard pulled them down slightly. He stepped back, taking in the sight of his reflection. It was a relatively simple choice, part of the catalogue’s “Ellington” set: one pair of tight fitting boxer briefs, made of a floral black lace that barely concealed anything. Down the front was a small v-shaped opening, held closed with zig- zagging lacing. Matching suspenders contrasted sharply against his skin, holding a pair of garters close around his thighs. They had seemed like a frivolous addition at the time, and Howard had almost regretted checking the box to add them to his order before his pen had left the page. But looking at them now, he could appreciate how they stretched around his legs, emphasizing every line and curve.

Howard bit down on his lower lip. The material was stretched thin across his front, straining against his groin. He turned slightly, twisting at his middle to get a view of his arse. The movement drew attention to how his stomach poked out over the waistband. He felt his face warm at the idea of Vince’s hands roaming over the area, pinching it gently and whispering sweet little compliments into his ear. His hands would then drift upward, squeezing and kneading Howard’s chest, and Vince would smile, satisfied at the sounds he was drawing from him.

Howard straightened suddenly, pulling his shoulders back. Now wasn’t the time, he reminded himself. He glanced over his shoulder to see where the box had landed, and his eyes fell over the wall clock. He startled when he noticed the time, and tore himself away from the mirror, hands going to the garment’s waistband. He glanced at the box once, before scooping it up and placing it on the floor next to the foot of his bed. There would be time to put everything away later.  
The lace tugged against his skin as he pulled at it, threatening to tear. Leaning back against the bed, Howard next tried rolling the fabric down, frowning as it bunched around his hips. He forced the garment down with both hands, pushing it around his thighs. The garters proved even more stubborn, remaining attached to the suspenders via some impossible latching mechanism. With a brief sigh, Howard pulled the garment up again. He’d just have to deal with it the rest of the day. Not a problem at all, he thought, grabbing his clothes from the bed. It was just underwear, after all. Just a touch less functional.

He was still buttoning up his trousers as he descended the stairs. Break time was over, now was the time to continue serving the public. Howard returned to his place behind the register, glancing again at the clock. On time as always, he thought, smiling proudly to himself.

As he leaned over the counter, the change in position caused the lace to stretch tighter over his arse, and the garters to move with his legs. Under a layer of clothes, the sensations were completely different. The rough fabric of his trousers contrasted sharply against the soft lace, a constant reminder of what he was hiding under his clothes.

Also, it itched.

He exhaled slowly, planting both hands on the counter in front of him. There were only a couple hours left in the workday, he reminded himself. It was the true test of a man’s fortitude to withstand any kind of discomfort with a stoic expression. As soon as the day was done, he could toss everything in the wash and keep his secret a surprise. It wasn’t like Vince ever stepped near the laundry, after all.

Howard eyes darted to the door, and sure enough, there came Vince, right on cue. A second passed before the bell above the door rang, followed by the click of Vince’s high heeled boots.

“You’re late again,” Howard blurted before he could stop himself.

Vince let the door swing shut behind him, an unbothered smile tugging at his lips.

“I lost track of time!” Vince said. “A bat asked me about my outfit on the way home, real chatterbox. Tiny little eyes, just like you! Well cute when they’re not getting tangled in your hair.”

Vince looked up expectantly, his smile slowly fading.

“Something wrong?” he asked, stepping towards the counter.

“What?” Howard said, realizing he hadn’t responded. “Oh, er--no. Just thinking.”

“You’ve got to stop doing that so much,” Vince said, smile returning. He stepped behind the counter, stopping to plant a quick kiss on Howard’s cheek. “Don’t want to rot your brain! Naboo said he’s only got one extra.”

Howard could only muster a hum in response as Vince took his place behind him. There was a soft scrape as Vince pulled up a chair, followed by a rustle of papers as Vince withdrew an issue of Cheekbone. Howard drummed his fingers on the counter, searching around the room for something to focus on. Every so often, Vince would turn a page, allowing Howard to keep track of the time that had passed. Specifically, it helped him realize that only thirty seconds had gone by before Vince spoke.

“Oi, Howard.”

“Yes?” Howard eked out.

“I’m enjoying the view.”

Howard turned to see Vince’s wide grin, accompanied by an eyebrow waggle.

“Thank you,” Howard said quickly, turning back around.

“Something’s different.”

“Oh?” Howard said, still facing forward.

“What are you wincing like that for? I just meant your trousers look good.”

“Thank you,” Howard said, carefully peering over his shoulder. “These are the ones you helped me pick, aren’t they?”

“Oh yeah! Good job I did, too! They look great.”

“Yes. Good. Good job you did,” Howard said, nodding once.

Vince sat up straighter. “You feeling alright?”

“Yes,” he replied, voice flat.

“You sure? You’re looking a bit stiff.”

“Stiff? No!” Howard faced forward again. “Just--conserving energy. For later activities.”

“Oh yeah?” Vince’s grin was almost audible. “What are you thinking?”

“Er. Jazzercise. Class tonight.”

There was a creak, then a set of footsteps, then a hand on his lower back.

Howard nearly jumped, hands clenching into fists as Vince leaned in, voice soft.

“That all?”

Howard straightened suddenly, breath hitching in his throat. The change in position caused the lace to shift, gliding against his thigh. He faced Vince in time to catch how his eyes flicked downward, an intrigued crease in his brows. Howard hurriedly returned to his previous position, coughing a bit.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to something else afterwards.”

“Can’t wait,” Vince winked, smirking as he went back to his seat.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the day would bring no customers. Even as that became clear, Howard remained careful. He’d shift his weight in smooth movements, careful to keep any tugging at his clothes to a minimum. He remained keenly aware of how his body was positioned, never daring to excuse himself to make adjustments behind a closed door. Sitting wasn’t an option, as evidenced by the undignified sound he’d made the second he’d landed in the chair.

Recovering from that had been impossible, no matter how many minutes Howard had let pass before standing. The way the fabric had ridden up, digging slightly into the soft flesh of his thighs, clinging to every inch of them--

Well, he’d been grateful that Vince was too absorbed in his magazine quiz to notice.

As the day drew to a close, Howard could feel the muscles in his back and thighs begin to go slack. He fought to ensure his relief didn’t show in his shoulders, reminding himself to readjust them every so often. Behind him, Vince began his weeknight-ly routine of trying and failing to stay still in his chair. This week's habit was bouncing his leg up and down, knocking one heel back against the chair leg. Howard gladly took the flattery that came with Vince's eagerness for the day to end and for them to engage in some top-tier instrument tuning, ignoring the fact that Vince had never been one to patiently wait for their time to clock out.

(At one point, Howard had asked why Vince no longer simply left when work started to bore him, as he'd done every other shift prior to their relationship.

"Didn't want to keep making you close up alone. You said you hate that." he'd said, as if it was obvious. "And I like spending time with you, Howard."

And that was when Naboo walked in and asked what Howard was blubbering for.)

Howard looked up to the clock.

"Time to close up, Little Man," he said, holding in his relieved sigh.

Vince was at the register before Howard finished his sentence.

"I'll take care of the cash drawer," he said, more eagerly than Howard had ever heard him.

"Oh. Thank you," Howard said, letting his tone relax at last. "Suppose I'll get the door then.”

Howard opened up the register with one practiced movement, scooping the keys up from one of the compartments. Despite himself, he couldn't keep the bounce out of his step as he turned the corner around the counter. He hummed an improvised tune to himself, which eventually gave way to quiet scatting as he locked and double checked the door. Just before he could turn around, the keys slid from his hand and clattered as they hit the ground. Howard first bent at his hips, the dig of the elastic reminding him to fix his posture. After he'd retrieved the keys, resuming his song, he turned to see Vince with a wide-eyed expression, which only lasted until he broke out into a smile.

"Bed, then?" Vince said, beaming.

Howard was sure he felt his stomach physically drop.

"Er--" he forced an attempted seductive tone. "Impatient, are we?" He approached the counter, placing the keys down and sliding them to him. "I'm afraid we haven't finished closing yet, Vince. You'll just have to wait until--"

"Can we skip to the good bit?" Vince said suddenly. "I've been waiting all day."

Howard's expression dropped. "What?"

"You know. The bit where I get you to show me your knickers, and then we shag?" He looked up expectantly, grin returning.

"But--how did you--?

"C’mon Howard, not like you were hiding them," he said.

Howard’s hands flew to his waistband. In his haste, he had forgotten his belt, and his trousers had snuck down his hips when he bent down.

"And before that you were squirming all day." Vince was half way through an eye roll when he added, "What, was that supposed to be a secret?"

Howard's shoulders slumped. He looked away, leaning on one arm onto the counter.

"Thought we were doing some kind of roleplay thing," Vince said, brow creased. "You being a tart at work, like I wouldn't notice. Then you go and tease me, and then I'd..." He trailed off, looked away, looked back, then began again. "So what were you keeping it secret for then?"

Howard heaved a heavy sigh. "It was meant to be something special," he admitted.

"What for? I do something right?"

Howard met his eye, smiling a bit. "More than you know."

"Wait, what do I know?"

"I mean, Vince," Howard said, "that I wanted to do something for you for once."

"I dunno what you're on about. You do loads for me," Vince said. "Remember the little cakes?"

"Yes, but--" Howard made a pointless little hand gesture as he struggled to word things. "You..."

"Is this about that thing I did with my tongue?"

Howard inhaled slowly, forcing his next words out rapidly. "I know I'm not the best you've ever had."

Vince blinked in confusion.

"Howard..." he chided gently.

"I know I'm lucky to have you," he said. "There are--there are times when I still can't believe you’re with me."

Vince’s expression grew concerned, mouth pressing into a thin line.

“I thought that if I dressed up for you for once, I…”

"Howard," Vince repeated, more firmly this time. "Bed."

Howard started at the sudden shift in his voice. His face grew warm at the familiar tone. "Can I at least lock the drawer first?"

Vince switched back to his normal voice. "Really, Howard?"

"No good employee leaves the register unlocked and unattended," Howard said.

Vince rolled his eyes properly this time, holding out his hand. "I'll do it. Meet me in the bedroom."

Howard placed the keys in his hand. Before he ran for the stairs, they stopped to share a smile.

"Howard?"

"Yeah, Vince?"

"I'm lucky, too."

Howard's face broke out in a grin.

"Now quit hanging about! We're late for some instrument tuning!" Vince said, mirroring his expression.

"Yes, of course," Howard ducked his head, pushing away from the counter and rushing towards the stairs.

He took the steps three at a time, stumbling as he reached the second floor. He steadied himself on the banister, before darting towards the edge of their bed. Backing himself against the foot of the mattress, he leaned back and exhaled slowly. There was a beat of silence, before he heard a set of footsteps as Vince made his way up at a leisurely pace. When Vince emerged, his hands went to undo his scarf, unraveling it and slowly tugging it away from his neck. His eyes flicked over to Howard once, smirking at how Howard had begun gripping the sheets.

"Hands at your sides," Vince said.

Howard inhaled sharply, forcing his hands to relax.

That done, Vince tossed his scarf onto the coat rack, before sliding off his rings and pocketing them in quick succession. He looked over his shoulder once more as he then went to remove the row of bracelets stacked on one arm. Vince smiled at him as they met eyes, turning towards him as the bracelets clattered all at once onto the desk.

Vince stepped quickly across the room, heels clicking loudly against the floor. Howard swallowed hard, already feeling pressure build in his abdomen as Vince stopped in front of him.

"Get undressed," Vince said.

Howard complied immediately, rushing to undo his shirt buttons. He draped his shirt over one arm before moving on to his trousers, all but yanking them open and tugging his zipper down. He toed off his shoes and socks before pushing his trousers down to his ankles, kicking them off before bending to gather them up.

"Leave them," Vince said sharply.

Howard dropped his clothes to the floor, standing up straight again. Vince looked him up and down, unable to hide his fond smile.

"Gorgeous," he said, voice low.

Howard shivered.

"Can't believe you were keeping me from seeing this all day," Vince said.

Vince stepped closer, one hand sliding between them. Howard gasped as he began palming him through the fabric, fingers caressing him slowly.

"What were you hiding this from me for?" Vince asked.

"I-I--I wanted to--" Howard cut himself off with a low groan. "To--"

Vince's grip tightened briefly, drawing a cry from Howard's throat.

“You want my mouth?” Vince asked.

“ _Yes_.”

"Get on the bed."

Howard sat, moving back onto his elbows. Before his back had even hit the mattress, Vince had him pinned down by the hips. His fingers pulled at the garment’s lacing, undoing it just enough to free Howard's cock, now half-stiff and leaking pre. Vince pulled open the sides of the gap, lengthening the criss-crossed lace across the front. Vince took him in hand, pulling his cock free and wrapping his lips around the tip. He wasted no time, bobbing his head and dragging his tongue each time he drew his head back. Howard jolted up in place, his slow exhale dissolving into a breathy moan.

Vince pulled away, brushing his hair out of the way to smile up at him before returning to his task. Vince was taking his time, letting out a pleased hum when Howard all but whined in response. The soft vibration combined with the languid pace was close to torture. Vince was taking more of him in his mouth, his tongue teasing the shaft. His hands moved from Howard's hips to his thighs, stroking and caressing them. The extra attention drew a deep sigh from Howard, who by now had begun to lie back onto his elbows.

He couldn’t bring himself to look away from Vince's head in his lap. From this angle, Vince's bone structure seemed sculpted by a master artisan, too perfect to have been created any other way. When Vince glanced up at him, eyes wide and bright, no other description seemed to fit.

Vince's fingertips began to dig into Howard's thighs, his motions slowing to a stop. His head moved downward, taking Howard's shaft down to the base. He maintained eye contact as one hand moved up his leg, slipping underneath one of the suspenders. There was a snap of elastic, and the sting that followed caused Howard to yelp.

Vince drew back, half a smile on his face.

"Just making sure you're still with me."

"As if my mind could be anywhere else," Howard said, attempting a lecherous smile.

Vince nodded, making a little gesture to concede defeat.

"You just got that look in your eye," Vince said. "That, 'I'd rather be writing poetry’ look."

"It's the look of a man captivated by the person before him," Howard said, sitting up straighter. "By his muse, his lover, and his other half."

"All this talk's gonna make me go soft, Howard." Vince stood, shrugging off his jacket and tossing it to the floor. "Can't you wait?"

"Well, I'll happily tuck that thought away for future use," he replied.

Vince hoisted himself onto the bed before Howard could continue. He’d somehow managed to undress the rest of the way in the moment that had passed, his cock was stiff and leaking precum. He clambered over Howard, settling into position once their hips were aligned.

"Up for a little 'improvisation'?" Vince's voice was low, but his grin belied his tone.

"A good jazz musician is always ready to improvise," Howard murmured.

"So yes then?" he asked, brows raised.

Howard paused. "Yes please."

Vince lowered himself onto his elbows, placing his body flush against his. The skin-on-skin contact sent a small shock up Howard's spine, every point of contact sending a wave of warmth throughout his body. Howard's hips shifted underneath Vince, and he ached for any sort of friction. Vince planted his hands down on either side of him, grinding his hips down onto Howard's. He thrust forward, crying out as their cocks slid against each other. Howard let out a shaky moan, fingers digging into the bed. Vince moved back, careful and controlled, slowly building to a steady pace.

Howard exhaled sharply, teeth clamping down hard on his bottom lip. Above him, Vince suddenly lifted himself up onto his hands and knees, one hand wrapped around himself. He pumped himself at an urgent pace, brow creased slightly in concentration. Howard remained still, legs bent, arms splayed out at his sides, mind blank.

"Can I--" Howard breathed, gesturing downward.

Vince nodded almost imperceptibly.

"Go on. Try and finish with me."

Howard drew his arm inward, wrapping his fingers around his shaft. As he pumped his hand, his muscles were already beginning to tense. His core tightened, the burning ache spreading to his thighs. Howard let out a shaky breath, forcing himself to keep his head up. He blinked rapidly, his breathing growing heavier and more ragged, each ending in a sharp moan.

A gentle hand slid beneath his chin, guiding it upward. Howard's eyes flickered up, meeting Vince's. All at once, his body tightened and released, spilling over his chest and stomach. He shuddered, gasping for air as he let his hand rest on the bed.  
Vince quickened his pace, cursing under his breath as his hips jerked forward. His release splattered onto Howard's torso, trailing from his midsection to his collarbone. He heaved himself up onto his knees, remaining there only for a moment before collapsing next to Howard with a sigh.

Howard waited until they had both caught their breaths before rolling over to face the bedside table, pulling open the drawer.

"Need anything, love?" he asked. "Baby wipe? Tissue?"

Vince stirred next to him, sitting up.

"Have you got a whole Boot's shelf in there?"

"I just thought it would be useful to keep some supplies at the ready," Howard said, retrieving a wipe for himself. "Condoms, lubricants. The second drawer's mostly snacks and water bottles. 'Be prepared' is my motto."

Vince snorted, leaning over him.

"I'll take a tissue."

They had almost settled into a comfortable silence by the time they'd cleaned themselves off. Howard was out of bed, having just shut the lid on the rubbish bin.

"Where'd you get the new outfit anyway?" Vince asked. “It’s actually pretty nice.”

"I ordered it out of a catalogue. Very high quality products. Would you like to have a look?" Howard shot him a sidelong smile.

"A catalogue?" Vince repeated, a lopsided grin spreading across his face. "You know you can buy things on the internet nowadays."

"I'm a fan of the classics, Vince," he said, standing up straighter. "That applies to music as well as life."

He held the pose for a second, before bending down and scooping up his trousers.

"Now, let's get dressed."

"What?" Vince said, laughing. "You serious?"

"We can't just leave the nightly routine half-finished," Howard said, laying his clothes out on the bed. "A good employee sees everything through to the end."

Vince flopped backward, grunting when his head hit the pillow.

"Will you wear the frilly knickers while we do it?" he said, staring up at the ceiling.

"Fine. But they’re going straight into the wash afterwards.”

Vince hauled himself up in the bed with a huff, looking at Howard over his shoulder. His expression softened into a smile.

“You really do look well fit in those, Howard."

"Glad you enjoyed them," Howard purred, eyeing him as he slipped his trousers back on.

"They making another appearance soon?" Vince asked hopefully.

"Well, you certainly seemed enthusiastic about them," Howard said, with mock thoughtfulness.

"Thinking of getting a pair too. We could match!"

Howard stopped in the middle of dressing, eyes wide. Vince looked up, chuckling.

"You picturing it?" Vince asked.

"You may have, ah, conjured some images," Howard said, suddenly looking down to button his shirt.

Vince laughed again and let his head fall back on the pillow, lazy smile returning.

"We really are lucky," he said after a pause.


End file.
